If you could build your life around 3 or 4 key character traits, which ones would you choose? Many of us would probably start with integrity, the basis of our reputations.

Another trait that would be among my cornerstones is perseverance. People who persevere and their stories are inspirational. Examples of those who persevere abound – war heroes battling against all odds (the men at Normandy and Iwo Jima), sports teams that refuse to quit (“Remember the Titans”), people unwavering in their focus to accomplish a mission (Hillary conquering Mt Everest), families fighting together against a loved one’s illness. The appeal is even more powerful and poignant when people persevere with grace and dignity, and are unshakable in their determination.

Some of the most compelling stories of perseverance are those of ordinary people struggling with the challenges of life. Prospective adoptive parents (PAPs) exemplify perseverance. I used to say PAPs adopt for one of two reasons – response to a sense of God’s calling or facing infertility. Traveling extensively in Africa has awakened me to a third reason. Extended family taking responsibility for children who have lost their biological parents. Whichever one of these three reasons is the motivation, the adoption process requires patience and perseverance. Using the infertility motivation as an example, PAPs have often endured the pokes, prods and other indignities associated with infertility treatments, more often than not resulting in devastating monthly report cards. These disappointments can be compounded by pregnancies that end in miscarriages. Few things crush the spirit more than a blank sonogram or, as in my family’s case years ago, a stillborn baby girl.

Perseverance is a bond adoptive parents share. With the benefit of hindsight, we recognize that our trials have been redeemed by the Lord and we have been doubly blessed – we built a family and grew in character. Paul’s letter to the Romans tells us: “Suffering produces endurance; endurance produces character; character produces hope; and hope does not disappoint us.”

My father was not one to give a lot of advice and he was not exactly a patron of the arts. He did, however, have one poem that he liked a lot, and it’s filled with advice from a father to a son – Rudyard Kipling’s “If”. It’s about balance, quiet confidence, humility and perseverance.

IF you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give way to hating, And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream – and not make dreams your master; If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’ If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, ‘ Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch, if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!